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#meltdown

2 posts2 participants1 post today

Als ck1 in der Kita war, hatte sie nachmittags oft "Zusammenbrüche". Anfangs hab ich es #meltdown genannt, wurde aber ständig drauf hingewiesen, dass das ableistisch sei, dieses Wort zu verwenden, denn mein Kind sei ja keine #autistin
Turns out: es waren wohl meltdowns. Mir wurde aber erfolgreich eingeredet, dass das ja gar nicht so schlimm sei.
#autismus

This might be #ADHD related, maybe not. But it's definitely #neurodivergent

I struggle at work, but almost everything is just in my head. Like they tell us what to do, but we can't but we have to, but the material is missing and so on and so forth (stopping me here or it'll make a novel). Till now, I always thought that the shaking I've got is just that. But now I kinda realised, it's a #meltdown . I'm having #meltdowns every fucking day and it disabled me already once.
Someone have advice?

The attempt to work things off has been running with moderate success since 4:50 pm today: not important/time-important 29 % ... really time-important approx. 1 % ... other paths and detours 70 %.

But #recovery from the exhausting but interesting last two days, especially yesterdays exhibition visit – Nan Goldin’s
«This will not end well», incl. a little #meltdown – successfully progressed by cooking, music, movies and sleeping and almost no human interaction … at least partly.

Let's see what surprises the rest of the day has in store.

#AuDHD with more emphasis to #Autism and #ADHD lurking in the shadows the last days.

From: @morothar
universeodon.com/@morothar/114

Universeodon Social MediaMorothar ☿ (@morothar@universeodon.com)Sonntag Abend, habe heute einfach mal Dinge weggearbeitet, fühle mich dadurch paradox erholt. Und ihr so?

Mein #meltdown in Hagen. Ich warte 45 Minuten auf die Volmetalbahn weil die Anschlüsse so schlecht sind. Dann kommt das Teil, nach dem ich mir halb den Ar… abgefroren haben, und dann fällt der Mist wegen technischen Defekt aus. Dann rennt man zum Bus mit vielen anderen der genau passen die Tür zu macht und abhaut.
Ich habe echt sowas von die Nase voll nur Transportvieh in dem kaputte ÖPNV zu sein.

Lese unterwegs zu einem Vortrag gegen #Antisemitismus in #SchwäbischHall, wie sich die Rechtsdualisten Elon #Musk und Donald #Trump an der Realität verheben:

„Um 15 Prozent ist die Tesla-Aktie am Montag eingebrochen. Die Kursverluste summieren sich auf atemberaubende 120 Milliarden Dollar - an nur einem Tag. Das ist, als würde man den Wert aller Aktien der Dax-Konzerne Commerzbank, Bayer, Eon und Daimler-Truck binnen 24 Stunden komplett vernichten.“ #MuskCrash #Meltdown n-tv.de/politik/politik_person

n-tv NACHRICHTEN · Person der Woche: Elon Musk: Der Musk-Crash hat begonnenBy n-tv NACHRICHTEN

#ElonMusk's #meltdown agenda contradicts the agenda behind the #UnaBomber's manifest "Industrial Society and Its Future" and this fact will soon let observe #US the raise of a battle between the #Musk allies against the #AltRightMovement with #StephenBannon.
We will soon see on which side of this fight, #DonaldTrump will decide to be. At the moment, #Bannon, the #ShitFloater, is not in the focus of public interest, although #Trump released thousands of #farRight participants of the #CapitolRiot.

The empowerment of #DonaldTrump as #PotUS and the incompetence of #SCotUS, give #ElonMusk the unique chance now to buildup a digital twin of the administrative system of the world's most powerful country. The #AI that then will be based on this model will give #Musk and his companies big power - obviously illegal but extremely effective & efficient.

Next, this #MuskAI will blow away #Trump's irrational govenance.
Finally, Musk will own the #US - not only that. #MeltDown n-tv.de/politik/Eindringen-pru

n-tv NACHRICHTEN · Eindringen, prüfen, zerstören: US-Präsident Trump gibt Elon Musk in den Behörden völlig freie HandBy n-tv NACHRICHTEN

Here is a question for neurodivergent folks, especially those on the autism spectrum.

When I'm doing something the way it is supposed to be done and there are problems or errors that should be impossible, I get irrationally angry and have a "come apart".
I stamped my feet, ranted, cussed, and had a crying fit this week because an application I use at work was doing that.
I was using it the same way I have been but the results were nonsense, elements of the UI were vanishing, auto-completing new steps based on the output of previous steps was saying there was no output even when I could see it, it was giving incredibly vague error messages that I've never seen before that essentially said, "not sure why this happened, call the vendor". Then my support engineer was so busy that he didn't get my messages until too late to help me do anything.
Eventually, I killed everything running on my system and rebooted and some of the issues went away, but not all of them.
Turns out they may have been having back-end problems so it wasn't anything I was doing "wrong".
That didn't make it feel any less infuriating. I was doing is right why was it breaking and breaking in impossible ways.
I've still have some impossible errors today and I still get very upset.

I work from home so all my carrying on is audible only by my wife and she's not a fan. I have gotten up and gone down the basement before if it's really bad, but I typically spend 15 seconds or so getting worked up and then get over it.

So, how do you handle this sort of thing? How do you handle your outbursts and mini-meltdowns?
My wife has ADHD but doesn't really "get" autism and I've spent the first 25 years of our marriage trying super hard to mask all the behavior away.
My meltdowns look just like toxic masculine behavior. I was a dude for the first 15 years of our marriage before discovering I was transgender, so I have that baggage.
I don't want to look like a toxic man-baby.
How do I handle this?
How do I explain it?
How do I keep myself from over-masking again which leads to much bigger blow-ups?
What sorts of conversations should I have.
What kinds of resources could I turn to for help with coping?

I hate this part of myself, to be completely honest. I feel as if I have a well-spring of barely repressed rage.
I can tell my wife that I would never hurt her. I never have and I never will. But from her point of view, from the point of view of neurotypical people, rage is rage. If I can rage at a computer program, I could probably rage a pet, I could probably rage at a stranger, I could probably rage at someone I love.
To them, they are all the same.
But it isn't the same.
How do I explain that?
How do I explain it to myself in a way that I will believe? I still think I'm capable of hitting someone I love because I had an abusive step-dad for 13 years as a kid and teenager. I've seen it. I still think that could be even though I've never hurt another person on purpose even out of anger.
But how can I believe that?
How can "this rage" not be the same as "that rage"?

After transitioning, I thought that was it. I thought I knew myself.
But ADHD and then Autism both said, "but wait, there's more."

So, what can I do here?
How can I reconcile this rage with reality and with other people's expectations?
What can I say?

Hatte gestern mal wieder eine #Panikattacke.

Passiert mir seit Kindertagen immer mal wieder.

Dies war aber die Erste, die mein Partner komplett erlebt hat und auch alle Gründe kennt.

Als es vorbei war hab ich es damit abgetan, dass ich diese Attacken kenne, alles gut.

Naja, nein.
Das war keine Panikattacke, das war ein Autistischer #Meltdown.
Er, selbst seit Jahren diagnostiziert mit #ASS, erkennt den Unterschied.

Jetzt also auch noch #Autismus 🙄