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#theonion

6 posts5 participants2 posts today

Insecure Woman Doesn’t Like Eating In Front Of Surveillance State

LOS ANGELES—Attributing her behavior to insecurity about the government, local woman Kirsten Sears told reporters Monday that she did not like eating in front of the surveillance state. “I try to remember the government is more interested in my ideology than my macronutrients, but still, every time, I get so embarrassed,” said Sears,…
#theonion
theonion.com/insecure-woman-do

Study Finds Curative Power Of Prayer Limited To Genital Warts

CHICAGO—Emphasizing the constraints of God’s healing hands, a new study published Thursday in the Journal Of The American Medical Association found that the curative power of prayer was limited exclusively to genital warts. “Our data revealed that while people attempt to cure a host of medical conditions by praying, the only ailment it was …
#theonion
theonion.com/study-finds-curat